Controversy with a Capitol K

Due to another editorial error, we have once again mis-identified the ethnicity of Trish, of Trish, Larry & George. Trish is in fact a WASP. As Larry says "if Trish's family were anymore waspy, they wouldn't be able to walk". (Not sure I get the reference - does it mean they would be flying? As wasps do?) You know, if Trish wore her twinset and pearls, headband and penny loafers to the dog run, things would be a lot easier for me. But no, she "disguises" her ethnicity and tries to "blend in". And because I foolishly made the assumption that people usually go with their Own Kind, I erred once again.

Larry goes on to attempt to straighten me out: " As it stands: Bob, myself and Rags are Jewish, oh, and so is Kim and Jessica, Doug is converting, he's hesitating because Bob is supposed to do the circumcision but he already gave up bacon."

I guess Larry feels comfortable "outing" his tribe without fully doing his research. As a matter of fact Rags is a WASH, White Anglo Saxon Hebrew, Larry. Is giving up bacon the first step towards conversion? Tell that to Liz Taylor. And I still think Kim is Norwiegen.

Anyway, I was up all night trying to find a solution to this labeling business, and how Dog Run News could avoid such mistakes in the future. I thought of armbands, brightly colored letters sewn onto outerwear, tattoos, but it all seemed so...done already.

And then as I was surfing the world wide web, I came upon a small company in Lithuania that makes a portable microchip installer that retails for $29.95 plus shipping and handling. It's slightly larger than an electric toothbrush, and works kind of like that air gun that Javier Bardem uses in "No Country For Old Men". But it's more gentle than that, I mean you hardly even feel it. In one press of the trigger, I mean button, you have a fully installed microchip which tells your ethnicity, sexual orientation, and food allergies. With the aid of a small transmitter that I will have next to my computer, I can check anyones information quickly and accurately.

Hey, I'm willing to pay for it, if you guys will let me install the chips. We can do it right at the dog run. And you know what's cool about it? If you change your religion, like Sammy Davis Jr., Elizabeth Taylor and Tom Cruise did, or let's say you wake up one day and are attracted to members of the opposite sex instead of your own, or say you have your DNA tested and find out you're 1/16 American Indian, all you have to do is give me the updated info and I can change it by remote control! Totally modern. I ordered one. It takes 4 to 6 weeks for delivery, so everyone please try to pin down your facts by then.

By the way, if anyone is interested in DOGS, you can go to Yvonne's Website Woof Patrol



That's all folks, I gotta get some rest!

Roberta & Sidney