Someone New for Larry to be Jealous Of

Forget Outsiders, Larry has fresh competition. Check it out on You Tube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LHoyB81LnE

Meanwhile after finishing her book, Kim began researching an article about Time Travel for PAPER. She got into a Time Travel Machine and went back to 1994:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Em_Byjv4Dvo

She's still there for a little while longer but I got a card from her asking me please not to tell Ted Muehling about those earrings!

Good news: I finally called the number on the lost dog poster that has been in the run for several weeks. Seems the yellow lab Georgia was returned three days after she disappeared. Larry collected the entire $1000, cutting me out completely.

And so it goes.

Sidney and Roberta

The Return of Bruce (Again) Plus Smaller Children for Cramped NYC Spaces

Yes, Bruce is back, looking fit as a fiddle (what does that phrase mean anyway?) and ready for action.

I can't reveal my sources, but I have heard from a reliable source that Rags, Henry's father, has been going to Leroy Street dog run. Excuse me? We're not good enough? I think the problem may be Rag's teeth, which, due to CVS White Strips, have gotten so bright as to be absolutely blinding. I didn't have time to warn everybody to wear their strong UV sunglasses, maybe Rags was just doing us a favor and staying away?

I guess many of you saw the NY POST article on the Indian girl Jyoti Amge last week. She is 15 years old and 23 inches tall. She can basically fit inside her own backpack. (See photo above).

India is now working hard to develop this size for all Indian children, which will help with over-crowding in that country. Not to be slow on the latest trends, I got together with my scientists (they're really mired in the final stages of bringing out "I Can't Believe It's Not Tuna" but that's another story) and they immediately "got" that Very Small Children was a perfect match for New York City, and went right to work on it. Just think about it, a cramped one bedroom is suddenly transformed when your teenager can sleep in a large purse or a kitchen drawer!

Of course all of you who have spent the last 15 to 20 years raising Regular Size kids might feel we could have pursued this idea a little earlier, but please don't be resentful. Your own children will benefit from this when they can get these very small children for themselves in a few years. Maybe large families will even make a comeback in the good old U.S. of A, who knows? If 6 children can sleep in a bathtub, wow, why not?

Meanwhile little Jyoti is hoping to pursue a career in films in America soon, an idea that Bruce found more than a little disconcerting.

Sidney and I were photographed by New York magazine Wednesday and it will be out Monday. We had to fill out a long political survey, and when asked "Who would you like to answer the White House phone at 3 a.m., I gave the obvious answer: Iggy Pop.

On another note of shameless self-promotion, I made Reuters this week, quite by accident, I just happened to be checking out the new John Varvatos store at 315 Bowery, the original location of CBGBs:

http://uk.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUKN0923189420080409

Speaking of tuna, did you read today that the U.S. is calling off ALL (or most) salmon harvesting this year? Only in parts of Oregon and Alaska will it be allowed. Wild salmon on the menu at Esca this year will be priced at $12,000! (hey, It comes with rice and vegetables). At Painters, Larry's restaurant in Bellport, salmon will be only $2,000 but only comes a la carte.

[On a serious note this salmon ban will put hundreds of fishermen out of work. California will seek 150 million is disaster aid. The cause? Climate driven change which has resulted in depriving baby salmon of food. Sorry, kids, but it's time to go vegan.]

Speaking of vegans, I went to Momofuku Noodle Bar this week to see David Chang's new space at 11th Street and 1st Avenue. He really hates vegetarians! He probably would physically eject a vegan from his gorgeous new space if he could. I kept my mouth shut and ordered. Chang's one vegetarian concession on the menu is a ginger scallion "ramen" that has no broth! (Broth = Pork). He offers five beers, only one of which I had heard of - Budweiser. The Momofuki house sake is $7 but all the other sakes are $20 and up - by the glass! That Chang is one crazy dude, wonder how long his bubble will last? As long as people want to eat lovable, intelligent creatures called pigs - unfortunately, a long time.

I've been a "vegetarian" for 40 years, but I do eat fish on occasion and I don't have any moral judgements about meatarians. But a lot of the issue has to do with sustaining the planet, and that goes beyond feeling all sad about little piggies dying for a pork bun.

On the other hand, I read a story in the Times awhile back about a woman who raised piglets for food and she totally bonded with them (they're on the same intelligence level as dogs, if not smarter) and then she led them into the slaughter house and they followed her with total trust, just they way your dog would....

Those who want to read about why meat is bad for the planet, read this by Mark Bittman:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/27/weekinreview/27bittman.html?scp=19&sq=raising+pigs&st=nyt

As for how pigs are treated in this country? From the New York Times:

Of the 60 million pigs in the United States, over 95 percent are continuously confined in metal buildings, including the almost five million sows in crates. In such setups, feed is automatically delivered to animals who are forced to urinate and defecate where they eat and sleep. Their waste festers in large pits a few feet below their hooves. Intense ammonia and hydrogen sulfide fumes from these pits fill pigs’ lungs and sensitive nostrils. No straw is provided to the animals because that would gum up the works (as it would if you tossed straw into your toilet).

The pigs were crowded into pens and cages, never allowed outdoors, and never even provided a soft place to lie down. Their tails had been cut off without anesthetic. Regardless of how well the operations are managed, the pigs subsist in inherently hostile settings.

The stress, crowding and contamination inside confinement buildings foster disease, especially respiratory illnesses. In addition to toxic fumes, bacteria, yeast and molds have been recorded in swine buildings at a level more than 1,000 times higher than in normal air. To prevent disease outbreaks (and to stimulate faster growth), the hog industry adds more than 10 million pounds of antibiotics to its feed, the Union of Concerned Scientists estimates. This mountain of drugs — a staggering three times more than all antibiotics used to treat human illnesses — is a grim yardstick of the wretchedness of these facilities.

Sorry to get so serious, I think I just lost my sense of humor. Forever.

Signing off,

Sidney and Roberta

Where is the Spring?

We have all been waiting a long time for Spring, haven't we? Saturday there was a glimpse, Sunday was gloomy. I don't mind a gloomy day, but in April?

I saw a great show on Friday at the Phillips de Pury Gallery at 450 W. 15th Street (at 10th Avenue). (Rags said I should just refer to it as Phillips, but he's an Art Insider). It's only on till Wednesday so get on over there pronto.

http://www.phillipsdepury.com/

It includes Diane Arbus's special unseen photos from Hubert's Museum in Times Square, home of freaks, sword swallowers, half man half woman (Albert/Alberta), midgets and a real flea circus. Lots of Hubert's memorabilia is on view as well. Hubert's closed before I came to NYC, one of my big regrets. (My friend Nick Tosches went there when he was 14 years old to buy a fake moustache so he could get into his first Sophia Loren movie without adult accompaniment.) There is also a letter from Diane on view where she describes seeing her first geek.

The show includes nearly every great photographer of the last 100 years, except me and Doug Bruce. The auction is on Wednesday night I believe. Go see this show!

What's Kim been up to you might well ask? Mornings she can be found racing uptown in a taxi while the Indian cabbie screams at his brother in Mumbai on his cellphone while Kim receives text messages from her nephew in Peru while watching a chef on the small embedded TV screen give a lesson in how to make foccacia when her dog walker texts to report on Romeo's latest bowel movement but is interupted by her Sidekick with a message from her friend in Lagos, Nigeria while meanwhile with her left foot she is putting the finishing touches on her book about designer Geoffrey Beene, and at the same time closing the next issue of PAPER, the Design issue. And she hasn't even arrived at work. Whew!

(You can subscribe to PAPER for a mere $9.97 a year which gets you TWO subscriptions, one for you and one for a friend, go to papermag.com, I recommend it.)

A rare tape has surfaced of Johnny Thunders of the New York Dolls, singing at his high school in the late 60s:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S-7Ap6J_FU

Later Johnny would appear at the Limelight nightclub with Michael Musto:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-saUheBlMM

I'm not sure how saddened we were at the passing of Charlton Heston, but then we remembered "Touch of Evil", "Planet of the Apes" and "Ben Hur" and we almost forgot about all that gun business. Who can harbor animosity towards a guy who cures lepers? Oh I forgot, that was Jesus. Oh well. Good-by, funnyman!

See you at the run!

XO

Sidney & Roberta

Sodomy at the Dog Run - No one is safe

Yes, it's true. Little Ethan Schwab, well dressed (yet never provocatively so), only son of Claudia, was brutally sodomized Saturday by an unknown black and white canine assailant. Ms. Scwhab stepped in immediately to stop the attack, but it was too late. Luckily Ethan was more shaken than stirred, no obvious penetration occurred (although Bacitracin was applied to the appropriate area), and Sunday he seemed to be in good spirits.

Meanwhile we have some excellent high end FREE entertainment coming up this week in the form of memorial services for two iconic New Yorkers. The William F. Buckley Memorial at St,. Patricks Cathedral

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/06/nyregion/06buckley.html?_r=1&ref=media&oref=slogin

and the Norman Mailer Memorial at Carnegie Hall

http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/03/28/arts/NA-A-E-BKS-US-Norman-Mailer-Memorial.php

Both are open to the public, though for Mr. Mailer's you must stand in line for tickets, presumably because the former Mr. Madonna, drunken beater of photographers and informal and unwanted U.S. Ambassador to the Middle East will be speaking. Along with (oh, wow) Tina Brown. The host? Charlie Rose. I guess Legs McNeil was unavailable.

Hold me back. Dullsville Incorporated.

Now I met Mr. Mailer some years ago (1979 to be precise) at his home in Brooklyn heights and took his photograph (which I have yet to make a dime on) and I have to say, he seemed to be somewhat of a zombie (that happens when you foolishly give up alcohol in your 70s - why bother?) However, he did go onto write several very long books, I think one was about Egypt and another about God (or maybe it was Hitler?) which I challenge any of you to say you have read. (I'm not talking about your having read the review in the New York Times Book Review, I'm talking about the actual BOOK. Even I almost finished reading the reviews.) I tried reading the Gary Gilmore book in the 70s, couldn't finish it. "Bonfire of the Vanities"? Same. I know, Mailer didn't write that, but I think you see my point.

Mr. Buckley, on the other hand, while I did not agree with his enthusiasm for bringing back slavery (think about it, did he ever say WHO would be the slaves? Did he? Case closed) or that women should be thankful they got the vote and be done with the rest of all that liberation stuff (and to his credit look where it's gotten us), it's true that Mr. Bill gave us many hours of entertainment on his television show. He was entertaining even when we did not agree with him, beguiling in an elegant, reptilian sort of way. And with Big Words. Now, That's Entertainment. Unlike Bill O'Reilly and his ilk who are just bullies and bores. I definitely do think Billy's Memorial will be the more entertaining memorial of the two. You don't have to wait in line for tickets and you won't be worried than Sean Penn might mistake you for an 80s pop star and marry you (he is single now you know) or for a photographer and knock your block off.

See you at St. Pat's. Even Jesus might be there.

Peace, Love and Bathroom Renovation,

Sidney & Roberta